I don’t think it is the heat of the moment that kills a marriage but the brick wall that is built after. Holding on to bitterness, being self righteous, and keeping score, little by little builds a wall that is almost impossible to penetrate.
A bad moment can open the door for a real deep intimate connection with your spouse. You can hold a grudge and spend a miserable day taking cheap jabs at each other and spending a long sleepless night clinging to the edge of the bed, rehashing the events, and dreaming of all the things you will say once morning comes. You wake mad, miserable, and exhausted.
We come into a marriage as two selfish, sinful individuals learning, constantly, how to put another’s needs above our own. We easily overlook our own faults but put our spouses under a blinking neon sign. Yes, at first it all seems easy, you’re still reeling in the newness of your relationship. We overlook each others faults and we let little things go. Why? Because love wins (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). The mere thought of our spouse’s wonderful qualities seem to outshine their imperfections. The first fight happens, tears are shed, forgiveness happens quickly, and you feel stronger and closer than ever. Then each subsequent argument drags out longer, venom flows easier from our mouths, and grudges are born. When grudges fester bitterness grows. Brick by brick our walls are being built.
Instead of holding that grudge, take the opportunity to offer a prayer for a tender heart. Take a minute to think of all the things you love about your spouse. Somebody has to make the first move and that person can be you. It can be extremely difficult (trust me, I know), especially if you feel you’re right. At the end of the day I would much rather have a strong thriving marriage than another check on my being right score card. Think about how releasing your anger and extending understanding will draw you and your spouse to a place of deeper love, trust, and devotion. Where forgiveness reigns bitterness can’t grow. Instead of spending a sleepless night fuming spend a sleepless night talking and reaffirming the love and respect in your marriage. You can smile about how exhausted you’re by your late night. You’ll both be content because not only did you weather the storm but grew closer because of it.
Let God work through you, not only when your marriage is for better but especially when it is for worse. Sometimes the only life line is the one you throw, it can be heavy but oh so worth it! Don’t let the enemy win.
I love hearing from you. How do you keep bitterness from taking root in your marriage?
~Be Blessed and be a Blessing~
Rebecca
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