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Reflections

28 Sep

I am coming up on a big milestone in my life.  My oldest daughter is getting ready to turn 18.  I became her mama under the most unfortunate of circumstances.  I was a young, unwed, teenage girl with no money and honestly no clue.  What makes the story a little more complicated is that she was born not well.  I was only 24 weeks pregnant when she made her very small and very quiet way into the world.  I think we can all agree that even under the best circumstances having a baby is hard and having a sick baby is super hard.

The past several months has had me being very reflective.  Looking back on that hard first year and the subsequent years that were still a little hard but mostly joyful.  I keep thinking on all the things I should of done and the things I could of done better. I look at her now, a senior in high school, enjoying a life much different than my own.

I was the youngest in a blended family of five, actually I was a big oops!  My older siblings really gave my parents a run for their money.  It seemed one big problem kept overlapping the next.  I was often told to go play and probably unintentionally overlooked because I wasn’t causing any problems.  Fast forward to the really formative years of my life and I was still alone.  I was left to navigate these years with only destructive bahavior patterns leftover from my now grown but still incapable siblings.  It was now my legacy and I didn’t disappoint.  The only difference is that being left alone for so long, I was good at hiding in the shadows, therfore, I was able to avoid real trouble.

I really missed out on healthy behaviors being modeled for me.  When I became a mama, I ferociosly loved my baby girl with all that I had. I didn’t know what being a good parent looked like but I knew that I wanted to be one.  The first years were trial and error.  What I really lacked and really craved for was a woman who I could look up to and someone who could encourage me.  Self pity is an expesive trip to take and I certainly maxed out.  A time came where at a cross road I had to decide once and for all the path I would take.  Since I didn’t have the people I needed I could become the type of person I needed.  I love that even though I didn’t know God, He still had His hand on me.

Thus, the journey began. So here, 18 years later, I reflect on the journey and all that I’ve learned. That the brokenness of your past does not have to be the legacy of your future.  It is never too late to keep trying again.  That with God nothing is truly broken, that all the past wounds, heartaches, disappointments etc..are all God shaped.

So here we are.  I look over at the one who made me a mama and thank God for our journey this far.  She is learning to navigate this complicated world as a young woman with dreams and desires and she is trying to make a mark for herself despite the physical limitations of Cerebral Palsy.  She is walking with the one who loves her most and because of that she is OK and so am I.

~Be Blessed and be a Blessing~

Rebecca

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21 Responses to “Reflections”

  1. shoutingthenews September 28, 2013 at 11:13 am #

    Sounds to me like your daughter was very blessed to have you for a mother! What does the scripture say? Something about “don’t despise humble beginnings”?

  2. Old Fashion Couple September 28, 2013 at 2:12 pm #

    I really loved this post! I know your testimony will help someone else. Your a awesome mom Rebecca :0)

    • Karl D Rhoads September 28, 2013 at 2:23 pm #

      AMEN!

      • Rebecca September 28, 2013 at 11:55 pm #

        Thank you so much for the continued encouragement! How blessed you made my day.

    • Rebecca September 28, 2013 at 11:56 pm #

      Your continued encouragement means so much to me, thank you! ~Blessings to you, my friends~ 🙂

  3. Mama Goose September 28, 2013 at 9:29 pm #

    Your journey into motherhood at a young age sounds a bit like mine, and your story is honest and beautiful. Congratulations on this milestone, and for allowing God to lead you on your own path to motherhood.

    • Rebecca September 28, 2013 at 11:54 pm #

      Thank you for your sweet words, they really encouraged me. I hope you’re having a blessed day 🙂

  4. Rebeca Jones September 29, 2013 at 11:32 am #

    This is so beautiful and honest, Rebecca. I love your words, “That the brokenness of your past does not have to be the legacy of your future.” What an encouraging message! Many blessings to you today.

    • Rebecca September 30, 2013 at 9:23 pm #

      Thank you, my friend! Your sweet words really blessed me. ~Blessings to you~

  5. As We Are... September 29, 2013 at 7:59 pm #

    This is so very true Rebecca, I believe wholeheartedly that the things that the world mistakenly thinks of as our biggest “liabilities” are really the things that teach us the most. Because of this I have been able to look past on the hard things in my life (and there have been a lot – some just happened but plenty were self imposed) with a smile and gratefulness. I love your realization –

    That the brokenness of your past does not have to be the legacy of your future.

    That is not only true but beautifully said. Congrats on having such a strong and beautiful daughter entering the world as a new adult. Sounds like you really gave her a foundation for being a happy healthy well adjusted adult. That is so much more then any of us can hope for!

    • Rebecca September 30, 2013 at 9:22 pm #

      Thank you, my friend. Your words really blessed me and encouraged me.

  6. MissesC September 29, 2013 at 11:36 pm #

    you were both blessed for being there for each other. You grew up together. I would not look at those years as being Unfortunate circumstances because you both flourished. Obviously, it was meant to be! Happy Birthday to you lovely daughter.

    • Rebecca September 30, 2013 at 9:17 pm #

      Thank you, my sweet friend for your kind words and encouragement. You really blessed my heart.

  7. salruv7 September 30, 2013 at 10:15 am #

    Nice. Thanks for sharing. My eldest is 19, I was married right out of high school and in an abusive marriage. I look back as well and wonder what I could have done better. I say that while this child is sitting in his second year of college doing the best he can to live a life of purpose. Of course there are many things we could have all done differently, but we thank God for the grace we need to help us each day to be the best parents we can be. Have a wonderful day soaked in His love for you!!

    • Rebecca September 30, 2013 at 9:16 pm #

      I have been so encouraged that there are many of us that have similar stories. For so long I felt really alone. Praise God for enduring love and grace over our lives and the lives of our precious children. I always welcome your visits, my friend. ~Blessings~

  8. puddin85 September 30, 2013 at 10:34 am #

    Amen. Thank You, Lord

  9. platinumdonmccoy September 30, 2013 at 10:42 am #

    Hi there, I nominated you for the ‘Versatile Blogger Award’ here:
    http://www.promisetewogbola.wordpress.com/2013/09/30/yipee-first-ever-blogging-award-aka-they-call-me-dr-versatility/

  10. slesser1013 October 1, 2013 at 6:07 pm #

    Sounds like you are a very strong woman despite your circumstances and im sure you did a wonderful job raising your daughter. Be proud of yourself too. Your story is an inspiration to others. Im glad I was able to read it.

    • Rebecca October 1, 2013 at 10:35 pm #

      Thank you so much for your kind words, you really blessed my day! Thanks for visiting 😀

  11. lauranaftzger October 2, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

    The past does not have to define us!! I have made mistakes! one I really wish I could take back,but God brought me through it!! And I learned so much from it! I was broken and made a bad decision,but decided to use it and better my self and find a relationship I was lacking with God(I am still working on it) So out of the bad,came a lot of good!

  12. secretangel October 5, 2013 at 2:22 pm #

    That the brokenness of your past does not have to be the legacy of your future… Love this!!! Many blessings to you and your family!!

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